The first step in guarding against quarrels in relationships, is to identify the types of quarrels that are likely to occur, and learn about them. Quarrels in relationships can be categorized as being in one of three categories: acute, progressive, or habituated. Knowing all about them will help you learn how to avoid getting into them, or constructively deal with them, should they arise. First up is:-
These are usually sharp and loud in tone. They are most common in new marriages when each partner is jockeying for position within the union. Among the problems that need to be worked out are, personal habits, how money is spent, in-laws, sex, and family planning. Ominously, when the partners are genuinely in love, they may hide their anger and resentment to avoid hurting each other. Then suddenly, the built-up resentments explode with the force, and unpredictability of a volcanic eruption. The point here is to try to ventilate your anger early, when it will do less damage.
Quarrels become progressive when couples fail to focus on their differences and make the necessary adjustments. Conflicts blend into one another, ultimately snowballing into a verbal brawl in which the combatants zero in on each other’s weaknesses. This is a very dangerous type of quarrel as issues are intertwined, making it a lot more volatile and because each party is looking for the other’s weak area, it becomes much easier for name calling and belittling of each other to enter the conflict. The problem is, even after the quarrel ends, scars will remain. If you want to safeguard your relationship or marital happiness, try to keep fights from festering this way by dealing with each problem as soon as they arise.
This type of conflict is what results after couples recognize that there are some issues on which they will never agree, and where accommodation is the best they can hope for. They learn to “sidestep” problem issues as often as possible, and they strive to avoid investing these issues with too much emotion when they do surface. This category of conflict may not imply as much danger to a relationship or marriage as the others, but be sure not to shove too many issues under the rug this way.
Most marriage counselors consider the statement “we never fight” to be a sign that a marriage is in jeopardy. That is because all couples have to experience some conflict, as no two people are alike, and even though they are married and the two become “one” they are still actually two different people with most things not in common with each other. It is both human and healthy to disagree occasionally. The key is to do it fairly and constructively, sticking to the issues at hand and avoiding the temptation to dig up past hurts. This way each partner asserts his or her individuality, and the couple can learn about each other and deepen their relationship. Strong relationships are built by working through these difficulties, not by trying to avoid them.